LONELINESS

How could you feel lonely when you are surrounded by a face like this?

The boys are always happy to see their faces on a camera screen.

      Yesterday, in the midst of missing the Bulls/Heat game, an overwhelming sense of loneliness took over my body. Here I was in Costa Rica and when I am with the children I see a living example of love within our connection. When I ride my bike to el Rio each morning, excitement is in full control and I look forward to the new things they will teach me.

            However, last night, I couldn’t help but reflect on the fact that I was half way done with my stay here in Costa Rica. The fear of not creating a sustainable environment for the children that I will soon leave behind made me so emotional. I was lonely because I felt like in this little town, there are so many people living their lives without thinking twice about the people that need the most help. In turn, I began to think about how relatable this situation is to life at home.

            I have a cousin who has just started doing service hours and he doesn’t particularly like it. It is easy to be comfortable, to play at the beach instead of doing something for someone else. But, my time here has shown that helping doesn’t have to feel self-sacrificing.  Let me make clear that Costa Rica is beautiful. I am staying in a house with the beach as my backyard in a tropical rainforest. For a month, I am living in a vacation destination. Sometimes, I am serving simply by watching new friends surf. This morning, serving was dancing with two three-year-olds in my hand and a seven-year-old wrapped around each leg. Granted, service isn’t always fun or easy: as I have said before, the grandfather of the Rio community makes me sickly uncomfortable.

            Loneliness, itself is not something that needs to be feared. Rather, loneliness should be embraced. The more lonely I felt last night, the more I thought about when I had felt that way before. I think loneliness is really just a reaction to when the lives we know change in a way that we aren’t sure how to control. The world as I knew it is so different from what it was two weeks ago and so I think that the feeling of being out of control is important. Feeling uncomfortable and suffering a little bit is good; it inspires growth in life.

            Today, I am thanking that nagging lonely feeling in the back of my mind. It is a symbol of my perspective changing, and that is exciting to me. This morning, I received two letters in the mail one from a friend and one from my family. The letters were just another example of the love that I have in my life and the compassion that is waiting to build me up as my life changes. Therefore, the loneliness that I had felt before, is being embraced and the love that I have at home is inspiring me to grow. As for the sustainability of my project here with the kids, as I work on my own growth, I can see the kids growing too. Sustainability will follow so long as I trust in the power of the love that surrounds us and the importance of an uncomfortable situation inspiring growth.