SUSPENDED ON A WIRE

Me, Rob, and Aimee from the first lookout.

On top of the world!

Straight through the canyon!

         Today we went zip lining across the canopy of the Costa Rican rainforest. Before beginning, there was one thing running through my mind, the failed attempt at the ropes course my Senior year of high school. PC sisters I am proud to say that I was 780 feet above the ground today hanging by a wire and I didn’t cry, or scream! As we climbed up the mountain in order to get to the first platform, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach; I didn’t know if it was because of the heights or just the excitement of my first touristy adventure of my stay here in Costa Rica.

            Even though you go in a group, the zip lining really is a reflective time for the individual. You are alone for most all of it as you weave through the trees. There was a time when I was sitting on the wire today that methodically thought about what was going on. Here I was, in a tropical rain forest, in a country far from home, and a wire no thicker than my finger was holding me above gum trees, monkey homes, and an ocean.

            The idea of being suspended on a wire made me think of all the things that have to go right in order for things to just be. There are so many variables with swinging across the branches: the ropes, harnesses, platforms all have to be set in place in order for the process to work. Here in Jaco, there is no doubt that often there is a sense of hopelessness. While sometimes you feel like what you are doing each day gives you great purpose and adds to the community’s strength. Other days, you wonder if what you are doing is strong enough to last the first rainstorm that blows through once you leave.

            Sitting on the wire today I felt like I could see the whole world. The ocean went on for miles and the tree-tops were endless. Perhaps, playing the tourist role gives you a different perspective that is just as important as missionary. Seeing the beauty of Jaco gave me the chance to see the opportunity that was waiting here for the kids. Hooked on to wires is a new leap of faith; it isn’t exactly your body’s usual mode of transportation. Once you get to the first platform though, there is no way to turn back except to go forward. Despite the fear, the shaky platform, or the persistent bugs, there was no other choice but to continue. I think the same goes with my adventure here in Costa Rica. When I get on a plane in 7 days, the adventure is not over: the kids will be in my heart, and my mission to help them see the better life that they can have is only a matter of shifting their perspective.

            With the days I have left, I need to build a harness with love and a long wire from their hearts to mine. Then the trick is to just stay suspended with a little hope that the future will be better.

WATER

the boys.

celebrating a win in Ninja

the whole gang and some kids from Florida that came to help

Paola

     For the past two days all of the water in the city has been shut down. Visiting el Rio has become a little more difficult as I have weighed not being able to shower and the happiness of all the children. It is difficult to know that you are putting yourself in some discomfort for a greater cause. When we play baseball or tag, I have been thinking twice about running through the swampy water or near the pigs and grungy dogs.
    This morning when I woke up, ironically it was pouring. I couldn't help but think to myself how frustrating the whole thing was. While the rain was coming down, there was no way for me to shower or wash my hands and I was completely fixated on it. I headed to el Rio, was soaked in rain water and baby kisses and came home feeling like I had been camping in the wilderness for years.
    The highlight of my day was at the internet cafe today. The town of Jaco has only one main street and the internet cafe that I sit at has a second floor balcony where you can perch over the main thoroughfare. So, it usually doesn't take long for the boys from el Rio to see me sitting up there working on something and come and find me (or just to steal my computer and check their facebooks). Today, the internet was working better than it has the entire time I have been in Costa Rica and I got the chance to video chat my roommate and my mom with the guys. It was really neat for them to meet my family and for my family to meet them.
    Later, I was talking to Erin and just explained how difficult it has been for me to really feel like I am helping sometimes. I have so much fun with them and it is obvious that they are genuinely happy but then you know in the back of your head that bad things are still going to happen to them regardless of your efforts. In a small way, this same feeling reminds me of the lack of water and still visiting el Rio. While, the risk of not taking a shower and being dirty is not very comforting, the satisfaction of being with the kids during the day makes up for it. Similarly, while knowing that at times the lives of my new friends are going to be tougher than I could ever imagine, the time that we have spent together is a great comfort. I know that they have experienced something genuine and loving. As for me, I am more grateful for the love I have at home and feel like a piece of my heart can never be replaced by anything but the Tico friends I now call family.

BERTA

 

Embracing the rainstorms!

No big... just crocodiles under the bridge.

      Berta is the grandmother of many of the children that live in el Rio. She has 18 children with Nikolas. Yesterday, I sat by her in church and she reached for my hand. For the rest of the service she hung on to my hand with a grip that said she couldn’t handle being alone. During the last prayer, she stood up and walked to the front of the Church and started to cry; I had never seen anything like it.  Afterwards, we sat out front and she told me that being at church was one of the most painful things because of how much she missed Maicol (who was her son—I also wrote about him a few weeks ago). She explained that all his friends were there and the loss just made her feel isolated and alone.

            Death has not kept distance within this last year from my own life. With the passing of my Grandpa at the end of the semester, I began to understand the emotional stress of losing a loved one. When I logged on to the computer this morning, I was heartbroken to see that my roommate’s Aunt had passed away last night. Again, I was reminded the impermanence of life and the importance of gratitude for the days that we do have. In the rush of life, we forget the most important things. Even here in Costa Rica, I grow frustrated when plans fall apart or rain stops adventures. In doing so, I forget to be thankful for the beautiful people that surround me.

            My days in Costa Rica are limited; with 9 days left I can count my Latin American days on my hands. Today, I am headed to el Rio with flowers. I am going to invite Berta to walk to the cemetery with me to pay a visit to Maicol. The days that we feel most lonely are just the days we forget the support we have around us; I want to help Berta remember that I am here for her. When we miss the ones who are gone, it is a day to recognize the beauty of Berta’s gesture in church. With boldness, I dare you to find the hand of the one you loved that sits next to you and keep your hands clasped in a firm grip. Hold on to the tangible realities of the now. It is with a friend and a strong embrace that loneliness subsides.  

HUGS AND KISSES

All the little guys!

Kaylor loves to be thrown in the air!

Kaylor trolling under the tables in order to sneak some crayons...he seems to think they are tasty.

Brandon and me :)

Aimee being tackled by the kids.

            Jose, my best friend since I was born, and I always talk about how interesting our communication must have been when we were young. While his first language was Spanish, we were playing together and somehow understood one another. Our families say that we always seemed to know what the other was doing.

            Similarly, at el Rio, there are moments when my Spanish limits me but our communication never fails. Today, when my friend Aimee (who has a blog as well and I put it as a link today on the sidebar of my own blog) and I arrived at the Rancho, most of the older kids were helping at the houses. It is typical, especially towards the end of the week for the parents to have the kids help in the house rather than sending them to school or letting them come color in the Rancho. For us, this meant that we had a fun day with Tito, Kaylor, Kevin, and Brandon. They are four of the younger boys and always eager for attention.

            At one point in the afternoon, Aimee found herself sitting on the floor with the boys all tackling her. She is not one for critters, germs, or dust but she said that at some point, you just have to let what happens happen. Igniting a flame solely based in love rather than a selfish fear of dirt and grime, Aimee allowed herself to find a closeness to the children than had before existed. Being limited to hola, cuidado, and muy bien as Spanish phrases, Aimee was still able to communicate with the young boys.

            The young kids are not the only ones that seek refuge when we are all hanging out in the Rancho. It seems like all the dogs filter in as well. It is interesting that they will hide under the tables close to Aimee, her husband Rob, or me. It is as if they know, that there is a safe zone from the beating and tail pulling of the children and adults at el Rio. Here, the respect for animals becomes trivial when survival is what you think of every day. Dogs are fed diapers because it gets rid of the trash and they will eat it, kittens are replaceable once they are either eaten by another animal or die in a storm, and chickens are most often featherless.

            All of the situations just made me think there had to be more to communication then just a language. How is it that two best friend speak different languages and still are so close? Or, at what point is a relationship established when a British girl who knows no Spanish becomes a friend to four Spanish toddlers? In regards to the animals, there has to be something that makes them understand that they are safe around others while subject to abuse around others. Hugs and kisses seem to be the key with the children. Giving them a big hug when they walk in the door starts the day our right and before they leave in the afternoon they run and scream hugs and kisses at us as they walk out the door.

            Today has been a day of awareness for effective communication. While learning a lot of Spanish has been a great accomplishment while here in Costa Rica, learning to communicate compassion and love seems to be even more of an achievement. Luckily, this is a lesson that transcends any language barrier and will be an important tool no matter where I go!

FAMILY

Me and the family last Summer in our favorite place...Idaho!

The best friends a kid could have.

:)

3 month old kitten that I played with for an hour at el Rio hoping the kids might show up.

            I headed down to el Rio today to find that the kids were all at a school event which meant that I had about six hours in my day outside of el Rio that I wasn’t use to. I headed down to an internet café only to find that the storm that was rolling through wouldn’t let me connect for too long. It seemed like all signs were pointing to being unproductive. Luckily, it gave me the opportunity to finish all the letters that I had promised to send to friends and family back home; it was quite an accomplishment.

            The letters have probably been one of the best things I thought about before coming to Costa Rica. Writing them has proved to be a reflective time for me during the early mornings or late nights. I have grown just by thinking about what I am going to say to my friends and family. After finishing the letters, I absent mindedly scrolled through the pictures I had collected over the last few weeks and decided it was about time to start compiling the book I had been thinking about since before I arrived.

            I spent a few hours putting together the poems I had written since being here and some of my favorite pictures of the children. In no way do I think that the book is near ready, but it is coming along to be something that I am really proud of. While I was sitting in the café, a boy named Luigi came and sat next to me. He was interested in what I was doing and after I told him he said that he was going to write his own history. Granted, I was happy because it kept this 18-year-old boy from talking for too long but once he finished and I brought the paper home to look at I realized that it was pretty neat what he had written. He talked about how he and his mom came from Nicaragua and his grandma lived with them too. He loved his mom very much and said she was a strong woman.

            The people here have a lot of respect for their families. I think that is something big that us Americans back home can take away from Costa Rica. At thirteen, it becomes weird to hold your mom’s hand, or give your dad a hug before you run into school in the morning. Here, fifteen-year old-boys hold their mom’s hands in the grocery stores and daughters hug their dads each morning when they wake up. When someone describes where he or she comes from, they don’t talk about a place, they talk about their family’s history. How beautiful is that?

            I was reminded that in the rush of everything when it seems like we have the most time in the world, it is easy to become self-absorbed in whatever project we are concentrated on. I wish I could go back and give Luigi some genuine attention by listening to his story; I missed an opportunity. He told me he would be there tomorrow so maybe I can make up for a job left halfway done. As for now, I have a greater appreciation for my own family that loves and cares about me and friends that have opened their hearts to me as a second family!

Dear Grandma

The are always eager to get a hold of the camera. We were hanging out while the laundry dried!

How cute is she?

Making play dough!

They were a little unsure about what to do with the dough...eat it? play with it? throw it?

Sliding for the finish?

1 John 3:17-18
If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Tonight, I tried to skype my Grandma Leanie but the connection here is so terrible that it doesn’t work all that well. For today’s blog, I am writing to you Grandma because I want you to know that you are in my heart always and on my mind as I try to be a living example of love in my new friend’s lives. My Grandma took care of me when I was little and she was always an example of patience and compassion.

Grandma Leanie,

         Today I headed to the River and played with the children. We made play dough out of salt, flour, and water and used markers to dye it different colors. You had been on my mind especially today because last night the reception on the TV worked well enough to watch the whole 2 hour special of Dancing with the Stars. I was shocked because I thought the little blond was going to win but one thing that Costa Rica is continually trying to teach me is that you can never be too sure about anything.

         I have a secret stash of Oreos. There is only one store in the whole town that has them and because it is so humid here they come individually packaged. I guess that is probably good because I eat them slower. I have learned that peanut butter tastes good on everything and Oreos are no exception. Be sure to try it sometime but have some water nearby!

         When I headed back to the River at 2PM there was a big game of baseball going on. I got to be the pitcher and my team one! It was pretty exciting. Today though, I thought about the things I have taken for granted. When I gave the kids play dough they were occupied for two hours and totally happy. I remembered when I had play dough when I was little, I was never so excited about it as they were. And then even baseball, we played in rocks, with dog skeletons on the floor, and pee waiting for a rainstorm to be washed away by the river but they were happier than a lot of the kid I know at home.

         I knew I was blessed to see both worlds: one at home where I am surrounded by a loving family and a Grandma that did arts and crafts with me and went to all my silly school plays and then life here where simplicity is not a choice and happiness is really one of their only choices, but yet they are full of gratitude.          Right now the rain is pouring around me and I am sitting at an internet café. I know Grandpa would have his camera out because you can see the thunder roll in over the ocean and it is beautiful.  A friend told me a story today about how he had to bike for twenty minutes in the rain and he had a choice to be frustrated about it or enjoy it; he chose to be happy. To me, this story was beautiful. It reminded me that everyday is a choice, and right now I am choosing to be fully happy and fully alive. It is a wonderful feeling.

Love,

 B.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion

~Dalai Lama

#1 PRIORITY

Iguana sighting!

The kids climb up on the trees and houses to find mangos to eat.

Kaylor and me coloring. Although, Kaylor usually eats more of the crayons than he draws with.

Tito and Manuelito all smiles!

This morning, I was on my usual route to el Rio eager to see the smiling faces of all the kids. Excited about pictures I had printed of the kids, I was a little anxious to get to the Rancho and hand them out. My camelback was heavy with a day’s worth of water and my camera stowed safely. Distracted by the banana I was trying to finish before I got to el Rio, I absent-mindedly peddled past the cows, ceviche shops, and sodas.  I try to finish my breakfast before I get to el Rio each morning, or bring enough for everyone because the kids are always so hungry and it is distracting and unfair to eat right in front of them.

            Somewhere in between taking a bite of my banana and crossing the street, a large white van with chipped paint and broken windows rounded the corner quickly and hit me. The van’s punch sent me towards the sidewalk and my bike to the middle of the street. With my dad’s voice in the back of my head, I tucked and rolled, and to my surprise my volleyball dives must have come in handy because I was straight back on my feet and headed towards the bike. The man in the van was no where to be found, but that wasn’t my concern.

            If there is one thing I have learned in Costa Rica, it is that bikes are valuable and if given the slightest opportunity will be stolen right in front of you. I rushed to the bike glad that my number one priority was safe just like me. I then pulled off to the side of the road and checked my camera and was pleasantly surprised to see that there was not one scratch on the lens. After relaying the story to a friend his first question was are you okay and I thought, wow yeah I am. Why was it that until that moment, I didn’t think about how lucky I was that not only my camera and bike were safe but I was too?

            When I related this one incident to my everyday life, I couldn’t help but think, where else in my life do I forget me as my number one priority? While perhaps it is easy to get lost in service, is it just as simple to lose my respect for myself because my focus is turned so drastically outward.  If I am so concerned with material goods (bikes and cameras for example?) than am I not in tune with what is truly important in life?

            My roommate, and friend Erin, always reminds me to not put myself second. It is an endearing phase that we pass back and forth when we notice that one or the other isn’t having as much respect for themselves as they ought to. While the power of helping another will always remain my top priority, I need to remember that I come before a bike and I come before a camera. People are always more important than objects. So today, Erin’s voice was a little louder than usual and came in the form of a forceful van. I was knocked down as a reminder to remember me. If I am teaching respect to the kids, I need it for myself. The second reminder was that the Ticos are less than forgiving on the road and that days here with health accompanying them are a blessing so it is time to celebrate! 


"All living beings, starting from insects, want happiness and not suffering. However, we are only one, whereas others are infinite in number. Thus, it can be clearly decided that others gaining happiness is more important that just yourself alone."-- from The Path to Tranquility: Daily Wisdom

LONELINESS

How could you feel lonely when you are surrounded by a face like this?

The boys are always happy to see their faces on a camera screen.

      Yesterday, in the midst of missing the Bulls/Heat game, an overwhelming sense of loneliness took over my body. Here I was in Costa Rica and when I am with the children I see a living example of love within our connection. When I ride my bike to el Rio each morning, excitement is in full control and I look forward to the new things they will teach me.

            However, last night, I couldn’t help but reflect on the fact that I was half way done with my stay here in Costa Rica. The fear of not creating a sustainable environment for the children that I will soon leave behind made me so emotional. I was lonely because I felt like in this little town, there are so many people living their lives without thinking twice about the people that need the most help. In turn, I began to think about how relatable this situation is to life at home.

            I have a cousin who has just started doing service hours and he doesn’t particularly like it. It is easy to be comfortable, to play at the beach instead of doing something for someone else. But, my time here has shown that helping doesn’t have to feel self-sacrificing.  Let me make clear that Costa Rica is beautiful. I am staying in a house with the beach as my backyard in a tropical rainforest. For a month, I am living in a vacation destination. Sometimes, I am serving simply by watching new friends surf. This morning, serving was dancing with two three-year-olds in my hand and a seven-year-old wrapped around each leg. Granted, service isn’t always fun or easy: as I have said before, the grandfather of the Rio community makes me sickly uncomfortable.

            Loneliness, itself is not something that needs to be feared. Rather, loneliness should be embraced. The more lonely I felt last night, the more I thought about when I had felt that way before. I think loneliness is really just a reaction to when the lives we know change in a way that we aren’t sure how to control. The world as I knew it is so different from what it was two weeks ago and so I think that the feeling of being out of control is important. Feeling uncomfortable and suffering a little bit is good; it inspires growth in life.

            Today, I am thanking that nagging lonely feeling in the back of my mind. It is a symbol of my perspective changing, and that is exciting to me. This morning, I received two letters in the mail one from a friend and one from my family. The letters were just another example of the love that I have in my life and the compassion that is waiting to build me up as my life changes. Therefore, the loneliness that I had felt before, is being embraced and the love that I have at home is inspiring me to grow. As for the sustainability of my project here with the kids, as I work on my own growth, I can see the kids growing too. Sustainability will follow so long as I trust in the power of the love that surrounds us and the importance of an uncomfortable situation inspiring growth.

PHOTOGRAPHS

David running to do some intense boogie boarding! He loves to do little spins at the end of the wave.

Owen (my favorite) watching the waves with his big smile... he is always smiling and SOOOOO patient I have never seen anything like it.

Renee spends ALL of his time out on the waves.

Davie is the clown of the group as exhibited by his crazy falls :)

            When I first arrived, I was hesitant to bring out my camera. Not only was robbery highly likely in fact, my small camera was stolen within the first few days, but also I was afraid of taking pictures of the children in exchange for their sense of dignity. When you are in a community that is their home, making a photo shoot your chance at National Geographic isn’t the best way to respect new friends.

            A few days ago, I brought my camera out in el Rio for the first time and I was startled by how excited the kids were. Their trust in me by then had become strong and they were eager to see their face on the display of the camera. The older boys beg me to meet them in front of the house at the beach each day and take pictures while they surf. Yesterday, I dragged a beach towel and my zoom lens to capture every wave—the boys were stoaked!

            Today, we headed to a cachi vachi sale which is a big yard sale. Once we got there, all of the kids were dressed up in the best clothes they had with gelled hair and fancy shoes. It was fun to see that the parents cared about the kids and had spent time for them instead of themselves. I ran into Tito and he had his hair spiked, a fancy belt, and suede shoes. I can’t say that the new attire made him less of a terror but it was precious to see.

            I think the time that it takes to sit on the beach for two hours taking pictures of the boys while they surf, braiding a little girl’s hair, or even making little Tito feel special with a clean shirt is really what my trip here is all about. It is rare that people take time to fully be there for another person. Even more rare is that opportunity for the kids here. They are overlooked, and feel unimportant. So today I am taking photographs and taking time and offering it all up to the kids.

P.S.

   Hiking to day with the boys on a monkey search and I am so excited!

DEALING WITH THE LEMONS

Some of the kids made this mosaic.

The entire city of Jaco...it´s a tiny place (just for you Blakie Blake Blake)

Rebecca and me.

A storms a brewin´...

Like usual, I headed to el Rio this morning at nine, and opened up the Rancho. The Rancho is a little room that is all fenced in where we have crayons and papers so that the kids have a safe place to play or do homework that is all theirs. We have a routine each day: the kids see me walking down the hill and come running my way, we open up the Rancho and they run inside excited to paint and draw. Before they get a paper, we write their names on the board so they can practice spelling them on their pictures. Today though, after all the names were on the board and I went to grab the papers, I realized the heavy rain from yesterday had ruined everything.

            The kids stared blankly at me as I pulled out sheets and sheets of construction paper that had turned to tissue paper. Their desperate faces made me feel eager to please. I thought of my Grandma K who can make a craft out of anything and before I knew it, we were having fun with our flood-stained papers. The youngest kids shredded all of the papers into tiny pieces and brought out the glue while the older kids drew outlines for posters—it was time for some good ole’ paper mosaics!           

            I am not sure if there is a phrase in Spanish for making lemonade out of lemons but the kids being proud of their finished products was enough for me. Life here is most definitely not lazy. If you want a snack, you climb a tree, knock a coconut down, and then chuck it against a wall until you get a sweet drink. If you want to go to a friend’s house, you walk. If you need a facebook fix, you walk to a café and pay a few dollars. The community’s resourcefulness is something to learn from here in Jaco and when the sun finally came out today our mosaics were stunning!

MAICOL

      His name was Micoal and he was working in construction. He never went anywhere outside el Rio without his soccer ball and October 3^rd was no different. Waiting at the bus stop he dribbled the ball and passed it to his older brother sitting on the bench waiting beside him. The ball accidentally rolled into a puddle and Micoal went to retrieve it. It was this moment that I spoke with his brother, Fideleo, about today.

            Micoal was electrocuted and killed by a hot wire that was in the puddle and no one has ever been the same sense in el Rio. His mother Berta pulled out the only two pictures she has of him. For the first time since being here, I cried, I cried because I was frustrated that after so much struggling through his life, Micoal’s death was too soon. It was painful to see a family that hardly showed loved to have lost some of the little love they had. I looked at all the children and fearfully imagined if death coming too soon for the ninos I have grown to love.

            I took the pictures from Berta and made copies for her so that Fideleo could have a copy and his sisters as well. In a family that is as big as a neighborhood in the States, they only had one copy of these pictures and they shared them with such respect. I didn’t know what more I could do and I found myself where I always end up when life seems a little overwhelming, the library.

            While sitting on the ground rummaging through books of Costa Rican fairy tales, all the power in Jaco went out. The power has gone out a few times when it rains but usually turns back on. After five minutes, I knew that the darkness might be a little more long term than I had expected.

            While at the time, it seemed ironically symbolic, the city of Jaco began to work wonders right in front of me. I stayed in the library until after the sun had set and prepared for my bike ride in the pitch black but to my surprise, more candles than I have ever seen lined the store fronts. While passing the Church, I peeped my head in to find a full congregation still worshiping. Kids, had flashlights taped to their hats as they cycled home.

My point being: life went on.

            Once again, the library provided consolation, and it was good to have a reminder that love is not lost, it is only moved around. Maicol is still in their hearts, that is obvious because of their treasured photos. As for the lights, I am enjoying being able to see the stars for the first time in Costa Rica.

             

TRANQUILLA

Davie getting ready for the surf. He is the loudest person I have ever met... and that includes my family wrapped into one person.

Off to serve! This here is an artist he draws the most beautiful things for me.

The boys and me watching the high tide.

We climbed trees for cocnuts today...soooo good!

Baby Kaylor.

            Today marks one week in Costa Rica and if anything else the phrase that the boy’s use down at el Rio pretty much sums up my biggest lesson. If we are hanging out and the gringo American freaks out for nothing, someone is bound to say tranquilla tranquilla. The phrase means more than just calm down most often it is accompanied by a look that says trust me on this one. 

            I think after week one, trust is the most beautiful thing I have seen with my new friends. The kids trust that everyday I will be at el Rio and play with them for a solid two hours. Afterwards, the older boys trust that I will be waiting at the house with a camera in hand so that they can surf and be photographed. It all means a whole lot more than just being there for someone else though. Costa Rica does everything slow (except driving). When you are at a restaurant, after you finish, it can take up to forty minutes before someone actually brings your bill. If you say to meet up at two, you really mean 4:30 because on the way from your house to the store, it is necessary to talk to every single person you know and introduce yourself to the ones that you don’t.

            The last two days I have been spending a lot of time with the boys that are my age. There are not very many girls my age because they are usually mothers already but the boys get to hold on to their childhood a little while longer. Today, the older boys even came into the Rancho while I was coloring with the younger ones and helped out. While we were there, one of the youngest children, Kaylor, fell and hit himself pretty hard. He looked up to see David, a fifteen-year-old cousin and expected consolation. Instead, David yelled for him to get up and stop crying.

            It was at that moment that I realized I knew why I was here. I had struggled with the parents a few days ago as hopelessness took over my body and I had to watch Tito be hit by his mother. But, with the boys that are my age, I have a chance to change the way they view the world for the better. I jumped between David and Kaylor and held Kaylor close in my arms. I gave him kisses and hugs until he fell asleep and was content. Then, I turned to David and told him that Kaylor was a baby and that babies don’t need to be yelled at to understand what you want them to hear. Everyone needs love I said; especially the little guys.

            It is very likely that in the next two to five years, David will be a dad. If I can teach anyone anything while I am here I hope that it is how to stop the cycle of abuse by simply showing the power of love. The kids do not know any other way but to hit their children if they are bad, and ignore them if they are quiet. If, the teenage boys get a chance to see what it means to show affection than perhaps they can carry that out in their own lives.

            After playing en el Rio for a few hours, the older boys and I made our way down to the beach to watch the waves. Today the waves were so big that there weren’t even surfers on the water. The tide came all the way to the steps of the house; it was crazy. We made plans to hike on Sunday in the mountains with the white monkeys and the boys climbed up into the trees and knocked coconuts down for us to eat. I feel a closeness with these boys that I know can make a difference. It feels good to finally know that I am not just here for a month that will be forgotten by the children. I finally feel like I know the first step towards making a difference—their names are David, Reynaldo, y Ehrnesto.

p.s. Today Tito was the friendliest person en el Rio; magic is happening!

TAMED

There are always lots of surfers on the beach at night.

The houses on el Rio if you look closely at the house in the middle little Angie and Jasmine are singing Justin Bieber at the top of their lungs to me!

One of the boys got a shot of me while I was watching the surf...not bad for their first time using a camera.

One of the many butterflies in Costa Rica.

Kenny drew me a picture today and when I got to el Rio he made sure to stuff it in my backpack.

A face to the name... this my friends...is the little monster TITO!

8AM

            I keep a copy of The Little Prince that my high school counselor, Ms. Teal, gave me by my side wherever I go. I was thumbing through it last night and read chapter XXI with new eyes. In the book, the Little Prince comes from a different planet and lands on Earth. On his planet that he calls home, he has a rose that he thinks is the most precious thing in all the world. When he comes to Earth he finds that his rose is not rare at all and in fact, there are many of them; he is disappointed.

            One day, the Little Prince meets a fox while walking around Earth. The fox warns him to keep a distance from him but introduces the idea that the Little Prince can tame him. The fox says that if the Little Prince is consistent and comes at the same time each day to see him. Then soon enough, the fox will warm up to the Little Prince. The Little Prince tells the fox he doesn’t have time to tame him because he is too busy looking for a friend. To this, the fox replies that giving your time is the only way to tame something; without giving time you cannot make friends. Sure enough, the Little Prince does as the fox says, and they tame one another. They are always happy to see each other and grow dependent.

            On the day that the Little Prince must continue his journey, he is very sad and so is the fox because they will not see each other again. The Little Prince asks the fox if it was all worth it. But the fox reminds the Little Prince of his rose back home. The fox says, even though there are a million roses here, yours is still special because you tamed it. Similarly, because we have tamed each other, we will always have a special place in our hearts just for one another. 

            The chapter ends with the line, “you risked tears being tamed”. I am risking a whole lot of tears in this community. The Ticos are all so welcoming and just happy to see you. Yesterday at el Rio, the men were digging a big hole. When I asked the children why they were building the hole, the children didn’t understand my question. Come to find out, the children call their home “the hole” so the question was just confusing. Something deep inside of me was crushed. To live in such a way where you think that you are so low, that you are nothing, and to call your own home the hole, is heartbreaking.

            The name for their neighborhood is not the only evidence of how low the children consider themselves. There is severe psychological damage that is a part of each of their lives that is evident. The other day I was holding a little boy who is about 3-years-old and we were playing as he gave me hug after hug. He was so happy and then all of a sudden he turned to me and said, “You are nothing. No one loves you.” There was a sense of paralysis that was instantaneous. It was like his words had come out of his mouth as a knife and gone straight through my chest. When I write notes to friends or family. I always end by saying remember: you are loved. You are special. You are important. That mantra had a whole new meaning after this.

            Last night at Bible study, we read a quote by St. Augustine, “If you love your soul, there is danger of its being destroyed. Therefore, you may not love it, since you do not want it to be destroyed. But in not wanting it to be destroyed you love it.” I think that he said it most simply. Our choices in life in actuality are limited: we can either show love and openly express it or constantly battle against those feelings and hope that they don’t surface. Being tamed risks tears and that is a scary thought. It is just about as scary as the loss of the destruction of love for your soul. When I looked into that three-year-old’s eyes, I realized that despite his abuse, he had been tamed and that now he had a fear of losing the love he found in his heart. I held him tighter and I told him if there was anything he needed to remember in life it was that he was so loved, that he was important, and that he was special.

3PM

            I spent the day at el Rio taking pictures of the children. They had fun learning to play with the camera and looking at the pictures they had taken. Later, some of the boys came by the house and asked if I would take pictures of them surfing. I had a lot of fun getting to know the older boys. One of them is a big jokester and he is real loud while the other two are more soft spoken. We sat on the computer and looked at pictures of my family and friends. They were surprised to see the San Diego beach looked so much like their own.

            Tonight we are going to the Catholic Mass and then there is spin class so I am excited to be able to work out at a gym. It is difficult to exercise here because it is so overwhelmingly hot. Tomorrow is the same ole’ routine, el Rio at 9 and then who knows after that but I love it!

When everything is falling apart, I have found that I can be tamed by poetry. This poem is my favorite and I hope it gives anyone reading the knowledge of being loved.

 Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.


--- Max Ehrmann, 1927