Let the Next Chapter Commence!

Happy Graduates and Dr. Baillet

I spent this last weekend reflecting on the gift my education has been as I celebrated Commencement with the rest of my UP class of 2014. I find myself so fortunate to look back on the last four years with a heart filled with gratitude. Despite the excitement, I couldn't help but feeling a great loss as well. Looking around at the crowd of caps and gowns I realized that my chapter here was closing and with it the free time spent with friends, nights roaming dorm rooms, and professors that mentored me towards adulthood.  

Even as a child I was good about having a plan for the future. When I was nine I decided I wanted to be a psychologist and it is almost laughable that my nine-year-old plan has more or less begun to pan out just the way I had hoped. But as gifted as I am at planning for the future, I am often quick to forget to reminisce on the joys the past brought. So today, I am taking a break to recollect those simple joys that marked my college years, the lessons learned, and the little moments that made all the difference.

1. Gratitude- Positive psychology research has found time and time again that the secret to happiness is not so much of a secret. We all know it feels good when someone is grateful for something we have done; college taught me that the reciprocal is true too. Expressing gratitude is the #1 lesson learned in my time at UP. There is nothing more powerful than sharing with those that support you that their support means something. Gratitude lets you notice the beautiful people, things, and moments that often go unnoticed. Gratitude introduced me to evening walks in the slug garden, Saturday mornings at the Down Town Chapel, and sharing a meal with good friends.
2. Power of a Letter- If gratitude is the ultimate lesson, the letter is its medium. College taught me to always have a box of blank notes on the ready to send a thank you for a professor spending extra time coaching me through a class, for a roommate with a bought of homesickness, a Valentine for my grandmas, or a “just because”.
3. See ya laters- Perhaps one of the most difficult lessons will be saying goodbye to the friends that have formed the person I have become. I am so blessed that many of my friends I met at the airport on my first day continue to be my very closest companions. Hiding in the midnight adventures, Disney movie sleepovers, neurobehavioral all-nighters, and Commons brunch on a Saturday is the poignant truth that at some point, we all move on to jobs with new cities and miles separating us. The pain of saying goodbye is one of the most beautiful sufferings life can bring. Henry Nouwen said, “The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” These are the friends I have begun to say goodbye to as they move abroad, begin their careers in the airforce, or back home where visits will be less frequent. It is in the pain of the physical distance that will separate these intimate friends that there is also a visible beauty of the strength our friendships have formed.
4. Teachers that meant more than that- UP is filled with good professors but the ones I will remember are those that moved beyond a teacher and became a mentor, friend, and trusted advisor. The moments of kindness that you can’t write on a professor’s eval are what made the class time worth it.
5. Service-Recent research found that serotonin (the neurotransmitter that makes you happy among other things) is used more efficiently by people who have just engaged in an act of kindness.  Service has shaped the person I am becoming and given me eyes to see a world of great suffering but moments of kindness and love. Service extends beyond the positive biological attributes of happiness and creates a world moving towards peace and justice. Service brought me out of myself and taught me to walk with humbleness and compassion. Service brought me friends from all walks of life and without service, I am certain that many of my experiences would have been devoid of meaning. Service connected classwork to my reality.
6. Fundamental Attribution Error-is the tendency to emphasis internal characteristics to explain someone else’s behavior rather than external factors. This means that when the jerk cut you off on the freeway, it is because he is an insensitive narcissist instead of perhaps considering that he is late to the biggest job interview of his life and he’s been unemployed for two years and trying to raise a family of three kids. When I took the time to resist against this very human error, I found I was happier, and I could make the people I was around happier.
7. Good Food and Good Sleep- they’re important. Enough said.
8. A Family on Thanksgiving and a Home to go Home to-The reality of choosing a college that is 992 miles away from home is that I spent Thanksgiving away from home. It also meant that when grandparents grew sick or siblings were born odds are I would have to send my love through a phone call or a letter. Despite the challenge of feeling distant from the people I love most I was blessed to have families that brought me into their homes and treated me like one of their own.  At the same time, I learned to appreciate the vacations spent back home soaking up all the nighttime snuggles of my siblings, hikes with my mom and aunt, long runs with my yellow lab, crafting with my grandma, and movie nights with the whole family.
9. Family that Visits-College is hard not just because of the academics and new social territories but because for lots of us family is far away. One of the most wonderful gifts friends and family gave me over the last four years was coming to visit. It is so special to share the city that you live, your home, and your friends with those that you care about back home. I will never forget spending the last night in the dorms with my mom in the bunk underneath me, having my sister and brother come visit to celebrate my 21^st birthday, enjoying the worst rainstorm of all my time in Portland with my cousin Eric at Autzen Stadium where it “never rains”, and touring a high school friend’s grandmother’s house where she use to feed the soldiers of WWII. In short, life is sweeter when you can share it with those you love!
10. A Good Book- When all else fails, a good book and a long day in bed transformed any rainy day into a day that felt like a beach day in OB. In college, I discovered my love for Virginia Woolf and her Bloomsbury counterparts, Paulo Freire, pushed my way through Vonnegut, and memorized the first few lines of The Canterbury Tales. Each of these  were able to draw me out and bring me somewhere else for a short respite.

All this to say that joy doesn't just happen; we have to choose joy. Before leaving for Portland four years ago my Auntie Kim reminded me that we have a gift everyday but we choose whether we will accept it. The gift of happiness is always ours for the taking and with it comes joy. Joy is a gift I am happy to have accepted numerous times during my time on the Bluff. Choosing happiness lead me to be more flexible, empathetic, creative, and resilient. I’ve learned to laugh at myself a little more, and to do things that feel good. I enjoy nature more than I ever had before--I take time to watch the birds feeding out my window, wait for the flowers to bloom, soak up the sun while my dog rolls in the grass. So as this book closes and a new volume begins, I find comfort is sitting with the good times that pulled me through and look forward to the moments in the future where I will choose happiness again.